Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize