Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
