Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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