My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
