they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
