you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
