Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
