okay pat passed out under dana's car
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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