it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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