I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
