Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
People in love make me want to vomit
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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