Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
