I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
