Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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