Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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