I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
