so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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