I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
