goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
