the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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