Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Randomize
