My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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