I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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