dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
