Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
