I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
