Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
