U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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