I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize