Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
