she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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