You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
