Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize