I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
