apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
