My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
