when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
