I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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