Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
