so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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