I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
