i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
