my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
