i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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