South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
