you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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