wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
