last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
