he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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