Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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