brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
