I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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