yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
