STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
