just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
