I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize