This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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