TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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