your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
