I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
