I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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