I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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