Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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