ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
