I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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