I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
