So drunk its hurt
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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