and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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