seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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