How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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